Sunday, 12 April 2015

I Don't Belong

Ever feel that sense of pain where you're being left out completely? It really hurts to feel this way. It's like no matter how hard you tried, you just can't seem to fit in. Walking behind your group of close friends whom you no longer feel yourself are qualified enough to be one of them, whom you'll never be a part of, whom you can't get into their daily random conversations, whom you for ever couldn't catch up with, whom you thought you finally have someone who will be there for you in the first place but honestly, it's the expected ending. The outsider I am. The false hopes I have had. All of these that kills. 
Brace yourself. Wake up from reality. Who are the true ones? That genuinely care? 

Sitting and awaiting for these tough days to pass by, hoping everything will get better in a matter of seconds, Except its not. Everything is not working out. She was hoping someone could notice her and say 'hey lets talk, dont be all alone.' 

I really don't belong, do I? 

- joanna

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Krabi, Thailand

Have been so busy ever since school started. Just by looking at the piles of unfinished homework and packed tuition schedule after school already made me 1/2 dying. So glad a trip to Krabi rescued me! Finally having some leisure time to breathe in some fresh air..

Here's the thing: 3/4 of the people on the streets are angmo/s. shirtless and in bikinis. yup, totally normal. though, you could hardly find any locals. 

It's ironic and ridiculous of me to have bad impressions of Thailand before getting to experience their culture myself. They have magnificent islands and incredible views! The fact that it's my first time ever trying out the speed boat, is also what makes me counting it as a memorable one. Swimming in the sea probably hasn't been as cool I thought it'd be bc I wouldn't stop getting salty seawater into my mouth and there're rocks everywhere.

Deevana Plaza, Krabi Aonang

angmo walking 

so chilling it out

didn't do the snorkeling bc the sun was so dayum hot and I got enough of sunburn

Maya Bay, Phi Phi Islands
tourist spot, angmo everywhere

/ Strolling on the beach and enjoy the sea breeze caress your skin as you stroll /







already missing the beach waves :(

- Joanna

Friday, 2 January 2015

2K15 l New Year Resolutions

I seriously cannot believe it's 2015 already, can you see how fast time flies? How am I a senior now, what even. Well, as usual the typical "New Year New Me" kind of post. To make up my mind to be a better person, resolutions is something I'll set for myself. Let's just see if I manage to make a change and see the differences by the end of the year. (Well..hopefully)

#1 Have a better attitude towards things/people. 
This is definitely the first thing I want myself to work on to. To not have the kind of suckish attitude when problems came ahead of me or things that's challenging me. I often get really pissed off at people and mad at things when they don't work my way or didn't turn out to be something I wanted them to be. 

#2 Stop procrastinate about everything.
I swear I procrastinate a lot. I did that somehow too much until the stage where people stop trusting me anymore, which is a bad thing. "Its now or never." Do it now or you'll never get the chance to. I really need to keep that in mind though.

#3 Be respectful and understandable.
Well? This is between my parents and I. I need to stop arguing over them over small matters and try to understand why they're doing what they doing is for my own good. For example: The disapproval of hangouts. I suppose I'm not the only one having problem like this where parents get overprotective of their teen child at times or get annoyed and complained about how they're like a driver needing to drive us everywhere or they're busy, it's crashing with their schedules. 

#4 Appreciate what I have. 
I always urge for something more or want to have that something new although the bad ones are still in a good condition. And when I get what I want, it'll still never be enough. I have to stop focusing on what I don't have and appreciate what I already have instead. Compared to those kids in Africa I'm so much luckier, this have to always be reminded. 

#5 Figure out my life.
This can be also classify as figuring myself out, of what I'm really interested in and what I'm passionate about. It's really saddening and often depressing of how I don't know what I'm going to do with my life and I'm basically a lifeless dork who have no idea what is she living for. It's something I really need to figure out and focus on since it's my life and no one's living my life for me except me. I have to do it for myself. "Y.O.L.O"  

#6 Do not waste time doing nothing. 
Let me tell you something. I've been literally doing nothing for I'm on a summer school holiday. I've repeated this for so many times and always ended up regretting for not spending my holidays wisely. Time is gold, it's precious. It can't be bought or sold. Making everyday as productive as I can is one of the goals I'm setting for myself. You wouldn't wanna know my everyday lifeless routine, its so plain and meaningless. It's all waking up from bed, checking phone and spending hours sitting in front of a laptop. It's a cycle I want it to end. 

#7 Do not take people for granted. 
Especially the loved ones. I'll start loving people around me more, spreading them love and give them the best I've got. I somehow did not care about people as much as I wish myself to and just let them slip pass me without giving a damn. I need to change that. No one knows what'll happen next and I definitely don't need anymore regrets in my life.

#8 Make family members aka my parents proud. 
This is something I've been wanting to achieve for years, and none of it that I've done happen to make them proud sadly to say. It's a must to have at least ONE achievement on this! It couldn't be that hard, could it? 

#9 Think more mature and grow some balls. 
Let me make things clear regarding to "grow some balls". It's a way of describing "to be brave" so don't ever misunderstand on that eh. So, I've been quite immature for a teen my age and is afraid to take risks in life. Being girly and feet-stomping like a 3 y/o over some shit is not something I want to be; owning a mature thinking brain is what I want. More to that, I swear I've been given countless of opportunities but I wasn't dare to take the risks. I've no idea what I'm afraid of, I just know that I won't let them slip away easily again.

They're in capital letters because it matters the most compared to all of that above. Living happily everyday is literally the goal of my life. I get emotionally depressed and mentally exhausted so often its almost happening every now and then. The thing is that it always happened without a reason. Those midnights where sudden memories come hitting me hard in the chest. Having nowhere to escape and no one to hold on to is what makes the depression even more worse. 

The resolutions finally come to an end. Well if I somehow spoiled your mood or gotten you bored I'm sorry about that. Anyhow, I hope I'm not too late to do the wishing new year thing hehe. To YOU who's reading this right now, have a new refreshing year, create amazing moments and seek for unforgettable journey tgt with your loved ones. Here's to more fun and joyfully year ahead of us, HAPPY 2015! x


Tuesday, 30 December 2014



You can talk to someone all day everyday, know their secrets, their habits, their life routine, know them your entire life but still, no. There's always that one thing you wouldn't know about them. 
You can have an unforgettable meaningful night with someone the night before and him/her would've left the next, never coming back again, without a single word. You wouldn't know. Isn't life ironic?
Ridiculously, that's just how life is.
"People destroy your trust. Then they leave."


Couldn't be any more agree to this one. That's exactly me.
"What do you wanna be when you grow up?"
"What's your ambition"
"What are you going to be next time?"

I really admire how 90% of my friends around me have a clear vision of their future. Of career path on where they'll be heading to and what they're going to be when they grow up. It's such a pain in the ass for me you've no idea.
How many times have I answered: "I don't know"/"I'm not sure"/"I never thought about that yet"/"Still thinking about it" whenever those questions came to me?
With the disappointments all over each time, I'd again hope I'll be able to answer those with joy after knowing. Would again squeeze my brain juice but oh wells look where it got me today. Still nothing. 
I want to use that "I wanna be..." & the solid "I'm going to be..." too.
Unfortunately, no matter how hard I've tried, nothing.
I wish I know what I'm going to be. I hope I know.
But I just don't know how to know.
ya' feel me? *sigh*


Tuesday, 23 December 2014

19th - 21st Dec

For the past three days I've had tons of fun and unforgettable memories which never fail to break me into tears whenever I'm recalling back them. It seemed like only yesterday we're spending our time together talking out about ourselves, and wouldn't stop laughing at those lame jokes and random conversations we all have had to break the ice. Now that its over and everyone's back to their own hectic life aka reality, it all feels like a dream. A dream I wish I'd never wake up and let it flow all the way, never ending. I've never been like this, to miss something so much it hurts. It's a blessing to get to know everyone and for us to get along so well although we've just met. That's faith. Of not knowing someone before & still have the ability to have conversations without feeling awkward. I'm sure if you're following me on Twitter, you'd have noticed I've been tweeting tweets regarding to how sad I am the fact that everything's ended. At one point it's saddening but I'm still grateful for all these to happen. Really realized myself grew a lot when returning back. Next year wouldn't be a left out either, definitely going back again. 
;MONEY & YOU 460 x     


Friday, 12 December 2014

"Working" - Jungkook

At my house
I was always all alone
Dad went to work
Whenever I asked him where he was going
It was always “Working”
Choco Pie and a glass of milk
On my desk in the morning
My dad, who left for work at dawn
I remember my young self
Waiting for my pocket [money]
Mom, dad, hyung
I’m the youngest, the cutie
I remember myself in those days
I remember
Let’s be happy
Let’s be happy
Let’s not be hurt, let’s not be hurt
Let’s be happy, let’s be happy
Let’s not be hurt, yeah, yeah
I earn [the] money, all the money
I used to say “Mom, just 100 won”
But now my mom, dad, and even my dog
Look to me
I get a call, it’s my mom
Ringringring “Son, are you doing well?”
To the question of where I am
I answer, “Working” ha…
Mom, let’s be happy
Let’s not be hurt, not be hurt
Let’s be happy, let’s be happy
Let’s not be hurt yeah, yeah
Back then, when I was young
I didn’t know anything
That feeling of just watching
Whenever I asked my dad
Where he was, where he was going
He always said working, working
Now I’m there, in that spot
Let’s be happy
Let’s be happy
Let’s not be hurt, let’s not be hurt
Let’s be happy, let’s be happy
Let’s not be hurt, yeah, yeah

feel the pain & loneliness. I swore it's my first time crying so hard over a song.

beautiful masterpiece x 

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